I’m Not A Girl I Used To Be

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I smoke.

I drunk, but now in recovery.

I wear shorts and tee.

I believe in God with a different version i used to use.

I love my Dad with my shouts, my hatred, my tears, but also my prays.

I try to be critical, but it becomes cynical.

I’m not easily forgiving, because i used to be too often ask for apology and most of it are rejected.

I lost some of my idealism, because i am forced to give up to reality by my used-to-be-only-one-idealist-figure.

I’m cursing, but not really mean it. It just sounds cool, hahaha.

but..

I’m pretty sure i still have my good and pure heart (not literally, because my heart-literally has already fill by smokes). But, please. Don’t judge me that bad. I still help a blind-man crossing the crowded and blind street. I still respect elder people. I still love my family, so damn much. I still pay my kost-kostan bill. I still let elder people for having my seat in the bus. I still.. and i try to still.

God, I miss my Mom..

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4 comments

  1. alia · November 14, 2009

    sekar, is there something wrong with you.. ?
    dont forget, there are much people that loves you, care about you, and maybe can help you — if you think you need someone but you dont know how to find it..
    maybe it’s just my stupid-sotoy-dan sksd thought, but..

    well, i dont know what i must say..
    but remember, we’re still here sek, ga peduli waktu dan tempat yang memisahkan kita. kita semua sayang sekar :)

    btw, mungkin lagi2 kesotoyan gw muncul, “kita” dsini pasti lo lebih tau artinya daripada gw, hehe

    kl komen ini mengganggu lo, dihapus juga gapapa sek
    i miss you :)

  2. sekar · November 19, 2009

    thanks ya, aliaa :) thanks banget loh, gak mengganggu, gak sotoy, gak kenapa-kenapa. thanks banget malahhh :)

  3. shinojundo · November 19, 2009

    hm, gak kebayang

  4. Citta Parahita Widagdo · November 22, 2009

    “Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.” -Bono

    Oh, Sekaar :) Aku sayang Sekar dan kekreatifitasannya dan tulisan-tulisannya apapun yang terjadi hehe and I’m so grateful to have you as a friend, I am :D

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