I’m so hating my inferiority. And i’m hating it more because me is the one who so damn inferior. And it really infects me like an irresponsible disease. And it totally influence the way i think, the way i act, the way i predict what people think, and everything. It sucks. But, it’s me.
It feels so bad when i’m becoming option and people don’t choose me. And i don’t know it’s only my inferiority shit thought or it’s truly the reality that hurts. Yes. I’m only the second option. When they have to choose between leaving or me, people more likely to choose leaving. When he have to choose between marry or me, he prefer to marry. I just don’t deserve to be chosen.
It also feels so damn fucking bad when you’re not the one that people expected. You know, when a-person-you-called-friend is needed to be accompanied, when you think they need attention, but they just don’t need it from you. And when you really try to give your best for those person, they still think it’s nothing, because it came from you, and they need it from others. And they say ‘thank you’ but it’s only to make you feel good about yourself, but you still can’t satisfy them. Even when he was sick and i already ask others to visit him, but no one can’t, so i decided to visit him just by myself, he’s not really enthusiast. And what he asked are only about the others, the others, the others, because he wasn’t really expected me. It’s better if i don’t come than i come just by myself.
What am i talking about? Am i full of hatred? Am i full of jealousy? Am i what? What? I need to understand. For try to always be by his and her side, but they just don’t want me to be the one who will do that. I’m just a shelter. I’m just a nothing.
It’s so damn very easy to forget me. Yeah, totally.